Friday, May 29, 2009

Love is not selfish

I try to put on a happy face from day to day and pretend you didn't say the things you said to me. Who has time for a broken heart now adays? Not me, that's for sure. At first I was so angry with you for saying things I knew you didn't mean. I just couldn't figure out why you'd say them. I know how I feel and I know how you feel about me so...why this emotional roller coaster? You know why I know I love you?! Because I am more concerned for your well being than I am my own I'd give up anything I own just to know you were emotionally & physically whole. I am constantly putting your wants into consideration. I pray for you more than I do for myself.

Why do you distance yourself from me? You can trust me, confide in me. Haven't you been doing so for the last nine months? I ask nothing from you. I will not ask you to sacrifice anything for me. We all have our griefs and pains to bare and if you prefer to go at yours alone that's fine but please do not push me away. I can see through your steely facade.

I was selfish. I thought this was all about me. A hundred and one questions I had:"Why me?" "What have I done to deserve this?" etc etc. It didn''t don on me that what you were saying was so out of character for you that the situation must not be about me or your ex girlfriend, it was always about you. I get the feeling you pushed me away not because you don't care, but because you wish you didn't care. Caring about someone makes you vulnerable and who wants to be vulnerable.

Do you feel worthy? Do you feel you deserve to be loved? I wish you could see yourself through my'd realize just how wonderful you are. How we met, where we live, it doesn't matter. Love transcends it all. I didn't plan on feeling this way and if I could help it I wouldn't. I know you wouldn't either...but we do. You can try to hide it. You can try to hide from me, but your heart doesn't lie. I'm done being selfish. I wont give up on you. No matter what, I am your friend. A true friend. I'll give you some space for now but soon enough I tell you this.