Nothing Like That

This is nothing like it was in my dreams

this is nothing like it was when we first met

this is nothing like the first time my heart skipped a beat

this is nothing like the first time I saw you smile and I

was the reason why

Now is strife

now is malice

now is sadness

now is insecurity

now is mistrust

This is nothing like the first time you told me you loved me

this is nothing like the feeling you gave me

this is nothing like that game we played

no, this is nothing like that

Now is uncertainty

now is fear

now is tears

now is forced laughs

The time you'd do anything to make me happy?

This is nothing like that

Not rocking the Boat

I haven't blogged in over a year...reading my past posts makes me feel like such an imbecile for ever caring about any of the losers that I did blog about. Now Im up...it's 12:24 am and I'm wondering why I have nothing to say to him. Could be because I don't wanna rock the boat? I don't even know what we are. Titles aren't always a necessity... but how can two people say they love each other, want to be together, want to have a future together yet...we're not in a relationship?! The fuck are we doing then?

        Um...I think it's all a cop out. See, if we're not "officially" together then it's easy for him to say, "oh well we weren't really together anyways." A lot of this really doesn't make sense...i just never say anything...because like I said, I don't wanna rock the boat.