I'm Done.

I never thought this would happen! I met someone who is so totally amazing. I thought I'd never get over you. I thought you were the one. I was so wrong. How many tears have I wasted...cried in vain, prayed in vain. You spent the better part of a year telling me one thing and in the spanse of four days retracting it all?! Well I'm over you now. Some would say Im rushing things but I do what my heart tells me to do. I found someone with all the courage and passion to love me back and distantance doesn't matter to him.

You painted yourself "a nice guy" but you're not. I cryed, begged, pleaded with you and still you left me with tears and a broken heart. You had the audacity to come 2 weeks later and speak to me as if nothing was the matter!

You think you have a "thick skin" you don't. I tare down those walls with my words and you rebuff me because you know I speak the truth. You had no problem hurting me as long as you dont get hurt. Well now because you've callously disregarded my feelings you've lost a chance at love with me and you've lost a good friend.

I have a new love and I thank my lucky stars for him. He wants to give me the world and though I don't deserve the world, I deserve someone who thinks I do.

I'm done. It's over. Being your friend is a bigger burden than I can carry and I'm so sorry because you were a good friend to me but I want more than you're willing to give and I'd get over that if it weren't for how cruel you've been.

Goodbye.

One Day at a Time is All I can Do

Today was almost an alright day for me then I started crying tonight wondering what I did that was so wrong that you had to end our friendship as well as whatever else might have been between us.
I know I stated before that this is not about me and I wasn't going to be selfish but I really didn't do anything wrong. You think I wanna feel this way?! I know you have feels for me because if you didn't you wouldn't have said the things you did. I know you're not in the business of leading people on. Whatever this is that's going on I hope you figure it out soon. I've been a good friend: loyal, supportive, encouraging, someone to talk to and laugh with. I'm unique and one of a kind. There's a million other girls who are all the same and if you let this pass you by you'll end up with one of these cloans and you'll never really be happy.

"How could you love me?" How could you even ask me this. I love you for the same reasons why you love me! I can quote you on every word you ever said to me. Once you said " I never met a girl [girlfriend] who could be my mate too...cos that's what I want." That's the ticket right there. We're friends. You see, I could never love a guy I couldn't be friends with either. So the reasons why I love you as a friend are pretty much the same reasons why I am so in love with you romantically.

Pretty soon I'll need some answers from you. I'll need to know whether or not I can move on or keep playin the fool.

Love is not selfish

I try to put on a happy face from day to day and pretend you didn't say the things you said to me. Who has time for a broken heart now adays? Not me, that's for sure. At first I was so angry with you for saying things I knew you didn't mean. I just couldn't figure out why you'd say them. I know how I feel and I know how you feel about me so...why this emotional roller coaster? You know why I know I love you?! Because I am more concerned for your well being than I am my own I'd give up anything I own just to know you were emotionally & physically whole. I am constantly putting your wants into consideration. I pray for you more than I do for myself.

Why do you distance yourself from me? You can trust me, confide in me. Haven't you been doing so for the last nine months? I ask nothing from you. I will not ask you to sacrifice anything for me. We all have our griefs and pains to bare and if you prefer to go at yours alone that's fine but please do not push me away. I can see through your steely facade.

I was selfish. I thought this was all about me. A hundred and one questions I had:"Why me?" "What have I done to deserve this?" etc etc. It didn''t don on me that what you were saying was so out of character for you that the situation must not be about me or your ex girlfriend, it was always about you. I get the feeling you pushed me away not because you don't care, but because you wish you didn't care. Caring about someone makes you vulnerable and who wants to be vulnerable.

Do you feel worthy? Do you feel you deserve to be loved? I wish you could see yourself through my eyes...you'd realize just how wonderful you are. How we met, where we live, it doesn't matter. Love transcends it all. I didn't plan on feeling this way and if I could help it I wouldn't. I know you wouldn't either...but we do. You can try to hide it. You can try to hide from me, but your heart doesn't lie. I'm done being selfish. I wont give up on you. No matter what, I am your friend. A true friend. I'll give you some space for now but soon enough I tell you this.